How I Rediscovered Myself Through Online Dating

How I Rediscovered Myself Through Online Dating

Let me guess, you have or had a profile on an online dating site at some point in your life. Have one now? What is your preferred poison, err, site? Okcupid, Plenty of Fish, Match.com…Well, Okcupid had been my preferred poison until recently.

 

Do you feel exasperated by the fact that you check out hundreds of profiles, read so many bios, like, wink, poke, smile and message all these people but nothing seems to work? On top of that you feel that you are wasting hours on this harmless addiction of yours.

 

Well I have been there, quite recently to be honest and it sucks! No, this article is not about the SECRET to finding perfect partners on an online dating site, ‘cos there ain’t such secrets. He/she will show up when they have to.

So what is this about? This is about my personal story on how I turned all that time “wasted” on Okcupid to actually grow and understand myself better through certain tangible activities.

Here is how I put my spin to the situation –

This is about my personal story on how I turned all that time “wasted” on Okcupid to actually grow and understand myself better through certain tangible activities

 

Creative Self Expression

If you are the person who says that I hate writing self-summaries, then you gotta write self-summaries. It makes you look at yourself, who are you and how do you present yourself to the world? Instead of thinking of it as a chore, let your creative cats out and let them play. Make it an artistic piece of self-expression. Note down the blocks that come up while you write, these might be some core, personality issues that you might want to look at

 

Observe Patterns and Trends

If you surfed through 100 profiles and you really liked 10 of them (be picky), then what are the common threads between these profiles? Try to develop a pattern. Bring out your big guns when it comes to intuition and joining the dots. These commonalities are what’s truly important to you, right now. It’s no longer about them, it’s about finding more about yourself

 

Quantify Growth By Comparing Profiles

Compare profiles which you liked, say 3-4 months ago with the profiles that you like now. How are they different? How have your likes changed since then? This will quantify how much you have changed or grown over this period of time

 

Amazing Profile vs. Good Profile

So what’s the difference between an amazing profile write up and a good write up for you? Don’t go with what the dating pundits have to say. Make it personal; this will tell you as to what you want from the dating universe and then you can use that wisdom to tweak your own profile and know more about your likes and dislikes. What kind of humour tickles you, do you like longer write ups, how much self-disclosure would you like, etc.

 

Chasing the “Feelings Dragon”

So you really like a profile. Drop all the points in your head as to why you like it. Instead try to focus on how the profile is making you feel. Look at his/her photos. Does it give you the same feeling as the write up? Journal what your feelings and thoughts around this. This is the feeling that you may want to chase, not just through online dating, but through healthy activities that you indulge in by yourself. As you work on inculcating this feeling within yourself, the universe will get the hint and bring you more situations where you can reach that same feeling. That’s the Law of Attraction at work

As you work on inculcating this feeling within yourself, the universe will get the hint and bring you more situations where you can reach that feeling

 

These are some ways of looking at online dating which have the potential to change the way you look at yourself. To be honest, apart from meeting a good friend through Okcupid, it hasn’t worked for me. But as they say, if your love life gives you lemons then you make margaritas out of them and that’s what I did.

 

Hope these tips give you a greater purpose to discover more about yourself and reduce the guilt factor as you search for this elusive partner while swiping through Quickmatches during your lunch break. I wish you luck on your dating adventures!

 

Photo Credit – Don Hankins

 

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About Ayan

Ayan Mukherjee is a Toronto-based, Registered Psychotherapist (Q) and a certified hypnotherapist, who practices holistic psychotherapy, with an empathetic and non-judgmental attitude, to support you in your growth and transformation. To start working with him – Click Here

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