Have you been sent to search the pages of therapist listings, by your wife, girlfriend or significant other, because you don’t communicate in relationships?
Or are you a woman who is frustrated and tired of having the man in your life glaze over, when you tell him about your day, or you are constantly having arguments with him over petty differences?
As a man, I can tell you that it can be difficult for men to communicate with women and we don’t do this on purpose or out of spite. There is enough research to show that we are wired differently and men generally think and converse in a direct and linear way, while women generally like to graze through topics and intuitively connect disparate ideas. Communication is a learnt behaviour and we don’t come out of the womb, holding a Communications 101 handbook.
But there is something called neuroplasticity, which explains how our brains can rewire neural networks and build new connections, as we learn new ways of being and behaving. Men, there is no stigma in learning to communicate more effectively with women. It will open up a whole new world of intimacy for you, reduce your relationship stress levels and help you to have more fulfilling relationships.
In my work with men, I use concepts from the world of Non-Violent Communication. My clients learn that every conflict has an emotional aspect and a factual aspect and unless the emotional energy of the conflict is allowed to be drained out first, addressing the factual aspect would only make the conflict worse.
My clients also learn the difference between needs versus strategies to get those needs met. Often we force people to follow our preferred strategy on how to meet our need, instead of stating the need itself. We also work on how to create “three part sentences”, where we tell the other person three important things in a sentence – what did you do (in a factual manner), how it made me feel (without using judging words) and what do I need in the moment.
If any of this intrigues you, if you have any questions about this, or if you want to improve your relationship communication game, then contact me for a free 30-min phone consultation and we can go from there.